Love this beefcake movie

God help me, I love men. I can't help it.

My favorite Beefcake movie of all time is "Troy."

As a feminist, I was offended by almost everything in that film. But as a woman...oh my!

Let's start with Helen of Troy. Poor thing couldn't help herself. Married to one man and fell in love with another, who had no choice but to "rescue" her from her husband and her homeland and carry her off to Troy so that a war could be started for her. She's standing there on the walls of the city, watching as her young lover and her husband hurl insults at one another, bang their chests and try to kill each other for the honor of possessing her. She is nothing but a possession.

In real Greek mythology, Helen ran away with Paris to escape her boorish husband who raped her and allowed all his chums to rape her too. Having no experience with sex other than being raped by old men, it's easy to see why she would have fallen for Paris, even without the help of Aphrodite. None of this was in the movie, however. She just came across as being young and impulsive.

I don't wish to be rescued if I can't rescue myself and I don't want to be anybody's possession, but just once I'd like to feel what it's like to be loved that much. Okay, okay, I know (I really believe in my heart) that it wasn't a healthy kind of love that made these men fight over her, it was more about power and dominance....but still. The thought of inspiring such genuine passionate emotion in the breast of a man--especially a man as fine as Orlando Bloom!

Oh Lord, and then there's Achilles. Brad Pitt as I have never seen him before. He's not the greatest actor who ever lived, but I'd never kick him out of my bed for eating crackers. He was magnificent in this movie, in spite of his wooden delivery and the fact that he couldn't decide whether to use an English accent or not. And he rescues this little slave girl priestess who was captured at the temple and of course they get it on.
A lot.

At least this woman turned out to have some gumption and some fight in her, but she was still forced by her own emotions to lie with the man who killed her people. Well, who could blame her. I have already said, I wouldn't throw him out of my bed either.

Again, the "real" Achilles was not portrayed here. He was a notorious rapist himself, given to making sex slaves of his female captives. He was also bisexual. In the movie, he comes across very clean and heroic, albeit very arrogant and full of himself.

I loved this movie, but basically it was nothing more than a demonstration of men, both old and young, shouting at each other things like "Yeah, my dick is bigger than yours!" and "Oh yeah? Let's see! Oh well okay but I bet I can spit farther than you can!" and "Alright, I'll show you! And when I'm done spitting, I'll cut your head off and take a crap down your neck-hole!"

Which brought me to a sobering thought, as I recalled all the whooping and chest-beating I've seen lately about the decapitation of that Berg fellow. Men just love to piss each other off and they live to one-up each other. They bomb our city, we invade their country and rape their women, they hack off the head of one of ours, and we're calling for the extermination of the whole Muslim race. Obviously an over-simplification, but it does demonstrate my point about men. They will carry things to ridiculous extremes, just to show one another who's more powerful.

There's one scene where Achilles comes up to the walls of Troy and stands out there bellowing the name of his rival Hector. Just yelling his name. And of course Hector is honor bound to trot out there and let Achilles kill him. I was thinking as I watched this...if some bitch camped out on my front lawn yelling my name, why on Earth would I lend legitimacy to her madness by going out there? I think I'd just sit down in my kitchen and have a slice of pie. I'd say "What was that, did you hear something? Sounded like some lunatic screaming. Mmm, good pie, huh?" But I guess a man wouldn't see the good sense in that.

God bless their cotton-pickin' hearts, ya gotta love 'em.

The screenplay did an excellent job of condensing the 10-year war into its most important events and characters, though much was left out. I was annoyed by one little plot addition in which the women and children of Troy were allowed to escape via a secret tunnel. It smelled like a plot device to keep the ending from being quite so tragic.

Fabulous cinematography with breath-taking epic shots of the thousand ships sailing off to war as well as heart-pumping images of huge battle scenes.

There is some nudity and adult themes, as well as lots of graphic violence, but nothing I'd prevent my teenager from seeing. I'm pretty liberal about that, though.

This is the movie I could watch a million times and never get tired of it.

Fake Boobies

I wrote this years ago as part of a Collective Bias debate at Backwash. I re-post it today in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness month. My mom had it. One of our lovely Sex Kittens had it. I just finished editing a really insightful book by a courageous breast cancer survivor. Ladies, take care of your boobies. Or they will take care of you.

Rather than address the Feminist issue of women having major surgery to improve their breasts so they can feel better about themselves, I thought I’d approach this debate from a different direction.

First, a little history:

In 1962 The Dow Corning Center for Aid to Medical Research, headed by Silas Braley, worked with Dr. Thomas Cronin, a professor at Baylor University and his resident, Dr. Frank Gerow to develop the first silicone breast implant. For years injected silicone was used with drastic effects. The silicone traveled through the body freely. It caused death in many women when silicone entered their lungs or heart. The silicone sack developed by Dr. Cronin and Dr. Gerow held the silicone inside the sack so it would not enter the body, or so they summarized, thus making it safe for implantation into the human body. Later independent studies showed that the silicone leaked through the silicone shell. The term used by the manufacturer was gel bleed.

The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) issued a statement in 1992 saying because of possible links between the implants and physical manifestation by patients who received the implants, the FDA was removing the silicone breast implant from the market. The silicone breast implant could not be used, except for controlled studies. The FDA said further studies were needed to provide the proof of the safety of silicone breast implants.

The number of women who have undergone breast enhancement surgery in the last 30 years is unknown. The figure is inexact, but then so is everything that’s known, or suspected, about the procedure. In fact, the most significant fact is how little information there is. Which means that not one of these women made a truly informed decision.

As to the 800-telepone number provided by Dow to halt the fears of implant safety Dow Corning Wright was warned by the FDA in a letter, about giving false information to patients over the telephone by Dow workers. This letter complained that company employees were making the following false statements over the telephone:

• "Scientific data and research show that breast implants are 100% safe."
• "After 30 years of study conducted with patients there have never been health problems with implants or silicone".
• "Breast implants are safe."

The Food and Drug Administration has now updated their web page to include new information in the following way.

"While many women believe breast implants cause debilitating systemic illnesses, such as autoimmune disease, this is not proven at this time. However, most women with breast implants will experience some local complications such as rupture, pain, capsular contracture (a tightening of the scar tissue or capsule the body forms around the breast implant), disfigurement, and serious infection. These may lead to nonsurgical medical treatments and repeat surgeries. Breast implants are not lifetime devices and cannot be expected to last forever. Some implants deflate or rupture in the first few months after being implanted and some deflate after several years; others are intact 10 or more years after the surgery. When silicone gel-filled implants rupture, some women may notice decreased breast size, nodules (hard knots), uneven appearance of the breasts, pain or tenderness, tingling, swelling, numbness, burning, or changes in sensation. Other women may unknowingly experience a rupture without any symptoms (i.e., "silent rupture"). (FDA 2001)

Pertinent questions for women considering implants:

• For psychological reasons the replacement of a breast lost to cancer is best for some women. But does it outweigh the psychological turmoil that most women who are implanted feel?
• Has Dow been unethical in the past by with holding the results of safety testing on silicone breast implants?
• Are Plastic Surgeons implanting women, knowing that the implants have to be replaced and a second surgery, while painful for the women, will increase their income?
• Who funded the different studies that found breast implants safe? Were they biased?
• Were implants made safe by the use of saline instead of silicone? Says who? Is there good reason to believe them this time?

When buying implants for yourself, what are you really purchasing? Aside from breast cancer survivors who use breast implants to reconstruct one or more lost breasts, most women who buy fake boobies are actually purchasing self esteem or sex appeal. These things can and should be obtained (maybe even for free!) from other, more healthy and less risky sources.

All the Lovely Words

Tonight I'm reading Les Miserables because I've always wanted to. I wish I was clever enough to read it in French, but unfortunately I don't know French so if I wish to actually understand what it is I'm reading (and I do), I must read it in my native tongue. At the airport last week I picked up a novel in Spanish. My Spanish is better than my French.

Once, I decided to take one year and read nothing but women writers. It was so compelling I actually went two years, and I discovered some amazing, inspiring ladies. Lately I've been thinking of taking a year to read nothing but Pulitzer Prize winners. I was just scrolling through the list of fiction and I'm pleased to see I've already read several. I knew I had good taste.

And then there were some, such as Empire Falls, that I was surprised to see on the list. Who decided that was a winner?? Maybe I'll have to read it again to see what I missed in it the first time. At least The Davinci Code isn't on there.

Do you ever feel an over-powering lust for books, as I do? I have several shelves of books waiting for me to read them. I can make myself actually salivate just by standing there reading the titles. I wish I could read them all at once. Sometimes I'll see the cover of a book somewhere and I simply must have it. I've found that it's better to just go straight to Amazon and just order the damn thing than to try and put it out of my head. And of course, amazon.com is just rampant with pictures of the covers of books. Yeah, so I rarely get away cheap when I've put the A word on my browser.

My most cherished book in all the world is a worn volume of Shakespeare given to me by my freshman English professor at Oklahoma State. I won't say why, but it's very sentimental. (Okay, no~~! I did not shag my college English professor! She was a woman, her name was Alison McGinnis.)

{This blog brought to you courtesy of a two-hour, ultimately unsuccessful, attempt this morning to find an out-of-print book called 1960's Hairstyles after glimpsing the cover/title at Sex-Kitten. I will have no peace until I have found that book--nay until I OWN that book and place it lovingly on the shelf with the other 247 books I intend to read someday.}

Lately (like, for the past couple of years or so) I've been writing down all the words I come across in my reading that I must look up in the dictionary. I find it interesting to see them all collected together on a page. Here are a few:

deracinated - to remove or separate from a native environment or culture; especially : to remove the racial or ethnic characteristics or influences from;

ipso facto - "by that fact" As in "He doesn't like the Beatles, ipso facto, he is musically retarded.

vagina dentata - Latin for "toothed vagina" or "vagina with teeth." The vagina dentata appears in the myths of several cultures. It reflects the threat posed to men by sexual intercourse. They enter triumphant and leave diminished. It's a favorite theme of artists and writers (see the drawing attached above; the artist is "Mister X.")

hegemony - leadership or dominance, especially that of one nation or state over others.

shibboleth - any phrase or custom peculiar to a certain party or class.

stevedore - a longshoreman. (The context of this one is kind of funny--it was in reference to a woman who ate like a stevedore.)

Okay, everybody, think positive thoughts in my direction. Help me encourage my bones..."Come on, little bones! You can do it! Fuse together and heal so Tessa can play tennis next week!"

As I lay awake last night, all propped up on sixteen pillows, with nothing to do but stare at the offending phalange, I did some sketching. Check out the picture attached herewith. Pretty cool, huh?

When I tired of that, I turned to Tuna. Tunamancy is a form of divination, like stichomancy which uses random exerpts from works of literature to divine spiritual meaning. With Tuna, you use Itunes, of course. Shuffle up your Ipod and look for deep, soulful insight in the first three songs that come up, usually representing Past, Present and Future.

My Past is represented by Fleetwood Mac's "Monday Morning."

Monday morning, you sure look fine. Friday I got traveling on my mind

Actually I did look pretty good on Monday, come to think of it. And I did have traveling on my mind for Friday but had to cancel the trip. I find true meaning as it relates to my Past here:

First you love me, then you fade away. I can't go on believin' this way
I got nothing but love for you. Now tell me what you really wanna do
First you love me then you get on down the line
But I don't mind.
I don't mind
First you love me then you say it's wrong. You know I can't go on believing for long
But you know it's true. You only want me when I get over you
First you love me then you get on down the line
But I don't mind
No, I don't mind
I'll be there if you want me to. No one else that could ever do
Got to get some peace in my mind.

Applies to the Relentless Tease and also to the Untouchable Object. It is time for some peace in my mind.

My Present energy: "Pussy Control" by Prince. Yummy! I love the attitude in this song.

Good mornin, ladies and gentlemen, Boys and motherfuckin girls;
This is your captain with no name speakin, And I'm here to rock your world
With a tale that will soon be classic About a woman u already know
No prostitute she, but the mayor of your brain, Pussy Control;

Pussy said nigga, you crazy if you don't know, Every woman in the world ain't a freak
You can go platinum 4 times, Still couldnt make what I make in a week
So push up on somebody wanna hear that, Cuz this somebody here don't wanna know.
Boy, you better act like you understand When you roll with Pussy Control;

I pulled up right beside her, And my electric top went down
I said "I know your reputation And I'm astounded that you are here
I fear you're lonely and you want to know A 12 o'clock straight up nigga
That dont give a shit that you're Pussy Control
Well I'm that nigga, at least I wanna be
But it's gonna be hard as hell, to keep my mind off a body
That would make every rich man Want to sell, sell, sell;
Can I tell u what I'm thinkin that u already know?
You need a motherfucker that respects your name
Now say it, Pussy Control

And the moral of this motherfucker is: Ladies, make 'em act like they know!
You are, was, and always will be Pussy Control!

Fun, huh? Presently, I remind myself that I control the Pussy, she does not control me. Good. And baby, you better act like you know! I need a mother-fucker who respects my name.

Well, there you go, a little female empowerment for my bad self today. Let's see, what next?

My Future is foretold in "I'm Over You" by Adam Lee.

I'm not sad anymore. In fact, I'm really happy.
Cause I thought you were the one, oh the one
I think of you now and I want to run
Life with you was sometimes fun;
I'm just glad that it's done

And I am getting over you.

There's a bit of good news for my horizon. I get over my romantic obsessions and be happy. Can't wait!

Elegant French Stockings--oh oui!

My stockings and I had an exciting day together. A stockings review by Tess.

I selected Lurex French Heel from Secrets in Lace. Black with glittery red backseam. Opera size for my freakishly long legs. From the package, they come already foot-and-leg-shaped. No wadded up stretchy nylon stuffed into an egg. This is the treasure of real stockings…they make you feel beautiful before you’ve even put them on.

Light as air, they feel soft as butterfly wings. Black butterfly wings with a sexy red stripe. I noted the finishing hole and the Secrets in Lace welt imprint.

I selected red panties and bra, white garter belt. I slid the nylon over my legs and fastened the clasps, front and back. How delightful to find them long enough! Typically even “Tall” or “Long” sizes fail to come past mid-thigh, making it difficult for me to wear shorter skirts.

I couldn’t resist putting on some high heels and strutting around half naked while I finished getting ready for my day. I blow-dried my hair, curled the ends, then secured it in a neat feminine twist at the nape of my neck. A little make-up, a little perfume. Finally, in a long straight wool skirt with matching jacket, I was ready to go.

Quite a busy day today. First, my stockings and I had a job interview. We played it very low-key. The length of my skirt and the brilliance of my resume ensured that no conservative corporate suit would be unduly offended by a flash of red-striped leg. Of course if he wanted to see, he could certainly turn his peepers down to my feet, one confidently placed squarely on the floor, the other extending from my crossed leg, my simple black pump dangling from my toes to expose the French heel tracing the Achilles tendon. Unlike Achilles, I am not vulnerable there, and I felt no fear in exposing my heel.

We had lunch with a friend, and I could not resist slipping a hand down beneath the table and sliding my fingers along the smooth silky surface of my leg while I demurely finished off chicken salad and iced tea above the table. I visited the ladies room twice, just to enjoy the thrill of nylon caressing my skin and to lift my skirt and admire my legs in the mirror.

My stockings and I had errands to run in the afternoon: pick up a package from Gracie at the post office, drop off sweaters at the dry-cleaners, go to the bank and make a deposit--but definitely walk-in and use the lobby. No drive-through lane for me when my legs are so elegantly dressed.

I decided to invite my stockings along for my date with the Relentless Tease tonight. Perhaps together we would convey to him our intentions and get lucky at last. Perhaps we could do a little relentless teasing of our own. Changing into a short black skirt and white silk blouse, I dug in the back of my closet for the perfect pair of elegant strappy heels. I looked like I was poised to set a dance floor on fire somewhere in the city tonight. Of course I’m far too clumsy and graceless to dance, but thanks to my stockings and my strappy shoes, I felt like a dancer.

Relentless Tease did, in fact, coax me out onto the dance floor twice after a fabulous dinner, and then when the cocktail waitress asked if we’d like another drink, I sent the toe of my stocking up his pants leg to wiggle around in the delightfully sensitive spot at the back of his knee. Apparently we successfully conveyed our message, for the Tease declined another drink and asked for the check.

Thirty minutes later I was in the apartment of the Relentless Tease, admiring his art and his rugs and the view from his balcony while my stockings and I cooked up a plan to get the four of us in the bedroom. But the Tease had a plan of his own, and it wasn’t long before I felt his hand sliding up the inner calf of my leg, caressing the hand-sewn backseam of my stocking, now at my knee, now progressing up my thigh. Turning me toward him, he kissed me while his hand continued to play with my stockings and the fasteners that held them to the garter straps.

He is a robust man and capable of lifting me and my stockings in his arms and carrying us to his bed, which he did do. There he lay me down and began to undress me. Clearly this man-take-charge encounter made my seduction plans moot, and I lay back to enjoy being ravished. Off came the silky white blouse, and he admired my breasts in their lacy red cups. He tugged at my skirt and managed to pull it down over my hips and off my legs, still clad in strappy black heels. With much fondling and kissing of my body, he then went to work on my garters. He had a mind to unfasten the straps and slide my stockings down my legs in a most seductive gesture, no doubt. I was like a birthday present he was eager to unwrap.

After several moments of frustrated fumbling, it was clear that the Relentless Tease could not master the combination on the lock of my feminine apparel. Finally, he ordered me in a husky growl, “Take them off.” and with an amused grin, I reached down and set my stockings free with a flick of my fingers. Some things should be left to a pro.

Gods Save Us from 'Spunky' Women

Those of us old enough to remember the 70's would have to agree, female TV characters have changed a lot, both in character and in personality. Gone are the females who are primarily housekeepers, housewives or secretaries. Gone are the personalities who are primarily submissive, perky and motherly. One might be tempted to think this means feminism has come to the small screen and that sexism in the portrayal of women is a thing of the past.

A recent study conducted at Ohio University collected data on the primary and secondary roles of characters from more than 300 different episodes of a variety of shows from the past 50 years. And they found that in nearly two-thirds of these situations, the primary roles of female characters were still mothers, wives, and daughters, or some combination. When their primary role was professional, females were disproportionately in communications, entertainment, and hospitality fields. There are plenty of waitresses, journalists, and nurses, but few lawyers or doctors.

Characters whose secondary roles were professional had more varied and prestigious jobs; however, those were limited, taking a back seat to matriarchal roles. For instance, on The Cosby Show, we see Dr. Huxtable at work at his medical office, and yet we never see Clair, the lawyer, outside their home. You'd think that with two working parents, the household responsibilities of parenting, cooking, and cleaning would be shared, but instead they're still left to the woman.

In the 1970s, when female activists demanded equal opportunities, reproductive rights, and egalitarian partnerships, TV had Mary Richards, a single working woman making a place for herself in life. On "The Mary Tyler Moore Show," she was a woman in a man's world going head to head with her boss Lou Grant, demanding equal pay. Unlike her best friend Rhoda, she wasn't hung up about marriage. Instead she found satisfaction in a makeshift family at WJM-TV. More recently, TV gave us Rachel Green on "Friends." As a new mother she makes the choice to remain single, but decides to move in with Ross, her friend and father of her baby. She feels the pressure of competition in her job at Ralph Lauren after taking several weeks maternity leave and is forced to juggle her roles as career woman and mom.

Today's feminist movement is less unified. Like the character of Rachel, women today are struggling with private issues rather than public ones. Third Wave Feminism is about individuals and their personal choices rather than career paths or job equity.

But when we compare real life women to their TV counterparts, there are large disparities. For years, TV has been presenting false images to women, telling them how they should look, act, and run their families.

The females on today's most popular shows are primarily upper-middle class and white. And after more than 50 years, the same problems and stereotypes--wives and moms held to unrealistic standards--still persist.

People generally mistake today's female characters for feminists because they are "spunky," smart and independent. They are quick-witted, sarcastic and they don't take crap off of anybody. We may remark, "She is so feisty and liberated! What a strong woman! You go girl!" But if you look at these spunky women more closely, you'll see that they don't ever actually do or say anything that indicates true liberation or threatens patriarchal institutions (or men) in any way.

Look at Meg in Disney's Hercules. She is a spunky female character who has clearly been made to look liberated just by making her a smartass. About this kind of female character, people think: "She's so independent! She sure doesn't take any crap!" But, when you actually look at her life, she's not independent at all. J.K. Rowling's Mrs. Weasley in the Harry Potter stories is another example. There are countless others.

Replacing real feminist analysis with spunky women who never actually question the power dynamics of their lives, but whose "liberation" entirely takes the form of sarcastic one-liners, is a subtle trick. A patronizing nod to feminists without really changing anything. Disney is a major offender with this one, but it is common in movies and TV everywhere. The female characters salaam to the patriarchy at every turn, but we're not supposed to notice because they're so busy slinging sardonic quips to indicate how free and intelligent they are. They're spunky and fiesty, but still safe because they never actually offend anyone or cause the viewer to question anything, including her own life.

Laura Kramer, a Women's Studies professor, initiated a discussion at WMST-L seeking to replace Murphy Brown with more contemporary examples of popular TV characters who are unselfconsciously feminist. Here are some of the answers she got. I will comment on those I am familiar with.

Maxine Gray, Amy, Donna and Jillian from "Judging Amy"

Ellen DeGeneres--Here is a "real" feminist, in my opinion. She's not only spunky, she shakes things up.There's a line of what is acceptable and what isn't on television because TV in America is a conservative medium that seeks not to offend. When Ellen came out on her show, she pushed that line.

Sydney Bristow from "Alias"

Abby Bartlet, the First Lady, and CJ, the White House Press Secretary on "The West Wing"

Dr. Samantha Carter on "Stargate SG-1"

"Carla" on NBC's "Scrubs"--I haven't seen this, but she sounds like the perfect example of a "spunky" female, as she's described as a Latina nurse who's outspoken, takes no guff, is strong and also caring.

Buffy the Vampire Killer

The Three Sisters from "Charmed" - This one I have seen and I'm not sure I see "strong feminist role model" in these chicks.

Eliot, Olivia's partner on "Law and Order SVU" Is he an example of a male feminist? Also Det. Olivia Benson from this show.

Donna on "That 70s Show" - Donna is interesting because her mother is a self-proclaimed feminist who doesn't seem to understand feminism, while Donna doesn't call herself a feminist but is.

Carrie on ER

Miranda on "Sex and the City"

Kim Possible--What a pleasant change from the old sexist cartoon characters (like Daphne in "Scooby Doo").

Camryn on "The Practice"--The actress has publicly advocated against body-size discrimination (and coincidentally is the niece of former UVA Women's Studies Program director, Ann Lane).